Can I Do This?

DISCLAIMER:  I had not yet started my blog, but journaled the following excerpts.

Let me start with a bit of a background.  I have always been the "big girl" in life.  I wish I had a dime for every time I heard, "You are not fat, you are big boned"....ugh!   I have always struggled with my weight and have tried all the fad diets!  Despite this fact, I always loved athletic competition.  No lies, I am competitive.  I can make a contest out of anything!  :-)   I coached and taught physical education for 5 years before being diagnosed with Systemic Lupus.  I loved to participate in the classes with my students and was outgoing, physically in shape and at a good place physically and emotionally in my life.  After quitting a job that literally kept me in decent shape and having to limit my activity and take lots of steroids for a time because of the Lupus, I gained weight...alot of weight!!!  It wasn't until I got pregnant with my first child that I lost quite a bit of weight....yes, I LOST weight, 29 lbs to be exact, before giving birth to Hudson and 19 lbs with Quinn.  Since I can't be pregnant all the time, I have to do something.  I went looking and heard the best reviews, and saw the results on friends who did P90x.  I discussed this with my husband (a recently diagnosed Type 2 Diabetic) because he has lost 40 lbs and wanted to do a little more to get those last pounds off while toning.  We decided to take the plunge.

As I sit with all the P90x stuff in front of me, I can't help but wonder....Can I do this?  I know I physically can, so I guess more importantly I am asking myself if I want to do this.  The answer for me is YES!!!

I took all the pre-P90x measurements and did the pre-test and took my *sigh* pre-pictures. Doing this, above all, made me WANT to do this.  I knew I had been down lately, but didn't want to admit why I had.  It was always in the back of my mind and weighing heavily (no pun intended) on me.  The reality hit me like a Mack truck, I cannot continue living this way if I want to keep my Lupus under control and be around in 20 years to see my kids graduate college.  I want to play with and coach my kids' sports and be the "outgoing" Mom and the fun wife.  I cannot do this without CHANGING MY LIFE!!! It all starts Tuesday morning!  Wish us luck!